Archives For domestic life

reset

Before I start, let me say that the following comes with a warning: I’m not a lifestyle guru, nor am I a life coach, any sort of guru, or any of the god knows how many sites who are promising you the world based on an idea.

But here’s the catch: I have an idea.

The following should be taken with not a grain of salt, but with about a dozen bags of it, because like way to many people blogging theses days, I’m not an expert just because I have an idea that may or not be good.

That aside.

In the new year I’m hitting the reset button on my life.

I’ve had some amazing experiences, successes, but I’ve also had some fucking tragic awful failures, be it mostly in my personal life.

Yay, I can build a website up. Nooo I fail at relationships, although I can survive them from anywhere to 3 months through to 9 years (with most <2 years.)

A friend (and I wish I could remember who) once said to me that you will only be ready for a relationship when you are comfortable with living by yourself.

After nearly 10 years of marriage the whole concept sounded wrong. The thought that I could live alone was wrong, and after the separation then divorce all I did was try to fill my life with someone else.

I’m not suggesting that anyone reading this can’t, or shouldn’t have someone in their life, but it’s an interesting point: “you are only ready for a relationship when you can live with yourself” (I know that’s not what I wrote above, but in each instance, it’s words to that affect.)

I can live with myself now. Actually, at this point in my life, I’m quite happy doing so. It only took 38 years 🙂

I’m currently planning to move back to Chiang Mai, where I spent roughly 4 out of the last 6 months in. I love the place, but I’m not using this post to explain why, I’ll save that for another post.

The moral/ idea of this post/ story is that you can be happy alone (with salt 🙂 ) I know it’s hard and hell it took me years to accept it but as I write this I know that I’m going to be far more happy alone than I will be in a relationship (and that’s putting aside the BS I’ve dealt with.)

I only wish I could remember who told me about being happy alone so I could credit them.

I’ve been there, done that, and if you are going through any relationship issues, or alone issues, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you can be happy alone.

I’m not going to open up a call centre here but if you want to talk about your probs, or ping my brain: duncan at nichenet.com.au Happy to talk.

But again, as per the heading: the reset button is coming. I hope to get back in Chiang Mai ASAP and come January 1st I’m pressing that button.

(insert guru stuff here) YOU CAN DO THAT 😀

OK so I’m taking the piss now but seriously, I am, and if anyone reading this has had any doubts, you can as well.

 

I need to be more selfish

October 25, 2013 — 3 Comments

selfish-1

 

One of the biggest failings in my life, personally, in business and even in a gig, is that I’ve been way to trusting.

The reality is that over and over again I get screwed for being so trusting.

I should theoretically be in Melbourne as I write this; I’m not. I’m in Chiang Mai.

I’d paid to go home to Melbourne but got bailed on at the 11th hour. So be it.

But I can say it’s not the first time I’ve been deceived either. Sort of the story of my life.

I’d booked to see a Stephen Fry and Kevin Smith maybe 3-4 years ago..and go bailed on in the end…I still went though 🙂

There’s more behind that, but I won’t carry on.

But I will say this: never trust a woman when it comes to promises, even if you are married.

 

 

XXXVIII

September 4, 2013 — 1 Comment

2013-09-02 21.03.17

“… and the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home.”

XXXVIII

and greetings from Kuala Lumpur.

I went through some old posts and stories about me tonight and I read this quote I wrote back in 2008.
What more can I say that I was deeply wrong:

…Life’s to short to ignore your family. Arrington is significantly older than me and has never been married; if the cost of being successful is being alone then I’d rather be unsuccessful and with my wife and son, and I’m sorry if that makes me soft in the eyes of some people. The best thing about The Inquisitr is being free to set my own timetable and taking a day off if and when I want to (and I hired a weekend writer to allow me to do just that). Sure, I still work long hours and spend far too much time in front of a computer (or iPhone) and the work/ family balance isn’t perfect, but its a damn lot better than it use to be.

Guess what, it didn’t work.

End of the day if your partner falls in love with the husband of the woman she wants to donate her eggs to under IVF at Epworth in Melbourne, there is literally nothing you can do.

End of story.

 

djr11

It’s my son’s 11th Birthday today.

Thanks to his mothers lies I haven’t seen him in over 12 months. I’m not allowed to call him, send him a present, or even know what the hell is going on in his life.

It’s wonderful how winning the entire house after a divorce settlement sets you up for lawyers, to the point that I’ve spent virtually every cent I’ve had on lawyers in the last 2 years and still lost.

None the less I’m happy to note that today marks that there is 7 more years to go until I can see Declan again.

My note to Declan:

Dear Declan

Happy Birthday and I hope you had a great day.

I would love to have talked to you today, and even sent you a present, but your mother doesn’t allow it via court order.

Know always that I love you always with all my heart: never forget that it was I who took you to school every day and picked you up before your mother ran off, never forget that it was I who cooked your meals every day when I could still see you, vs the nanny who does it for you now. Remember that it was I who bought your clothes, and the great time we had shopping together at places like DJ’s buying Zanerobe.

I know this is very hard on you, and it is beyond unfair that your mother won’t let me see you fairly, but look up: today marks the 7 year mark until I can see you again.

I know it seems a long time but you’re 11 now…that to me is remarkable in itself.

Be well always Declan and know always that your dad loves you and misses you every single day of his life.

Love
Dad.
xo

And here’s the counter. I might make this a desktop app as well so I can count the time.

So it’s been one year since I’ve seen my son Declan James Riley.

His mother has been determined from our separation to make sure I never ever see him or have contact with him again.

Her main witness stated over and over again that she would never let me see Declan again publicly on Twitter and in court.

My ex wife’s lawyer (Elizabeth Gray of Gallbally OBryan) lodged documents that stated that I had starved my son including never feeding him properly, and never took him to after school activities, sporting events or even school.

The fact that I had Four Square checkins at each location I supposedly never took him to…hell, I was mayor at most of them..unless you can pay for defense…makes no difference when you can’t afford to fight back.

The truth though, as can be proved by Michelle Riley’s parents (Ian DeBoer and Kaye Minette) is that I did take him to school every day while we were married (me to and back) and cooked for him every day (she was always off working.) I loved my son and unless they lie Ian DeBoer and Kaye Minette will confirm that.

Declan James Riley.. my boy who I miss so much.

Declan James Riley.. my boy who I miss so much.

It’s been 12 months since I’ve allowed to be allowed to see my son.

I can apparently see him again, as long as I front up with $350 for 4 hours.

That’s a bit standard when you’re a child molester, parent who’d done bad etc etc..

This is the fun part: I’ve never been accused of anything. But my ex swore to my mother (and I paraphrase) that I will do everything to make sure I never had to talk to him again.

Guess what: I love my son, I drove him and picked him up from school every single day until my ex left me.

I argued over and over again that Declan should be taken out of Erasmus Hawthorn because it was bad for him when Michelle wouldn’t: he was under constant abuse by other children, and it ended in Declan being punched over and over again.. something my ex accepted. It took Declan having the shit beaten out of him at Erasmus for my ex to agree to take him out of the school.

But I digress: I was accused of everything under the sun by my ex wife, which is ultimately ironic given I was the stay at home parent.

So we get to today and I can’t afford the lawyers to even see my son.

Declan I miss you so much, but understand your mother and step-father (who know doubt you’re being pushed to call your father now) won’t let me see you.

Declan James Riley. Your dad loves you and will to the day you die. Every day hurts without being able to see you.

Dad/ Duncan.

hot
Declan James Riley.. my boy who I miss so much.

Declan James Riley.. my boy who I miss so much.

I do wish a Merry Christmas to everyone, but you can all wait a day 🙂

In this post I want to wish a special Christmas to every father or mother who is a victim of the travesty which is the Family Court of Australia.

I’ve several times worked for Members of Parliament, Federal and State, and I use to deal with many parents who’d had their children unfairly stolen…oddly like my ex-wife had as well.

It only took a divorce and epically wrong actions in court to make me understand that all those times my ex and I didn’t understand, that by experience now how wronged you’d all been.

A court that allows people like “Ms Ilana Katz” a “so-called” Family Report writer to say in a report to the Family Court that I’m unemployable and I haven’t held down a job in seven years (indeed it’s a gross fantasy by a father hating report writer), and it’s been testified in court that it isn’t true at all, but people like Ms Illana Katz continue to be employed to intentionality tell proven lies to the Family Court of Australia, in an ongoing attempt to deny access to children, particularly when in comes to fathers.

I’m restricted by a bullshit order that isn’t even constitutionally valid against saying anything derogatory about my ex. But in this country fact does not under any law constitute a crime; truth trumps defamation.

My son is told that the court restricts me on seeing him, and further that I don’t want to because I won’t comply with the court.

What Declan James Riley doesn’t know is those orders are as per everything that her mother asked for, and that every time I tried to comply with them she tried to change them.

The mother conspired with her solicitor to have me harassed in other ways by a third party: fact.

I couldn’t afford another solicitor for the family court because of her complicity with an ongoing harassment campaign from a third party: fact.

I keep saying fact because her non-free speech order says I can’t defame her, but in this country truth is a defense to defamation.

Facts.

And so I come into this Christmas with me being unable to see my son let alone send him a present, call him, or anything more. (Declan James Riley.)

He believes that it’s due to “court orders” but he’s never been told that his mother, and her partner, the husband of the woman she tried to give eggs to under the IVF program (known here as IVF man…fairly…and in fact) are the people who got the court order, the same people who told my own mother that they were determined to make sure that the court would make sure that they’d never have to deal with me again.

To Declan, I will always love you and I miss you and I can only hope that I can find the money one day to force the court one day to let me see you again.

If I can’t find the money, please my beautiful amazing son, I love and please reach out to me when you are 18.

Again, to all those mothers and fathers out there who have had their children stolen by the Australian Family Court, my wishes to you all.

And next year I urge you all to vote for someone who reforms family law.

another example of me ignoring him apparently: bike clothes I'd bought, and the bike is on the Yarra Trail maybe 12kms for where we lived at the time.

another example of me ignoring him apparently: bike clothes I’d bought, and the bike is on the Yarra Trail maybe 12kms for where we lived at the time.

 

 

For those of you who have followed this eclectic yet (I hope) mostly humble personal blog for a long time, you’d know by know that my life is like a work of fiction that people would review on Amazon as being unrealistic and impossible.

And I do look back and consider the same; I’ve often joked with friends that my life was a bad work of fiction at times, and it probably is.

But it is my life.

I haven’t posted much here in the last 3 or so years; sort of coincidence that the time was between the separation (post TechCrunch…another post but likely related), divorce, failed relationship, losing my son, then an finally a happy relationship and a new family and love in my life.

I did get a bit angsty about my son, although I’ve pulled a few of those posts now but kept only the key ones, hoping one day he might read them…as in about 7.5 years time.

But this post isn’t about looking back.

You know you can dwell on the past for ever and a day…and it’s particularly hard when you’ve lost a child, and in my case, been forced to sell a site (for reasons I can no longer mention legally.)

But this is what I can say.

And I say this to everyone who has ever been down.

Anyone who has ever wondered whether tomorrow will come, whether the worst will ever fade away.

There is a tomorrow.

With me, I finally found my soul mate, some one who understands me and more importantly what I do for a living (indeed she does the same.)

More importantly, with that support I finally got my mojo back: I wrote 14 blog posts today…and that’s my highest level since I owned The Inquisitr.

Money is tight, that’s the truth (and I can’t say why for legal reasons) but finally I’m bringing in good money again from websites. Enough to relax: hell no, but it’s growing every day.

If you’re a blogger, or if you’re not, if you’ve gone through a divorce and/or a fucked up relationship (or both) as I have, I have one thing to say to you today.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It takes time, and when you’re waiting for that time you believe that it will never happen. I did…for a long time.

I’d say too long, but I’m happy now, and that is what counts.

Be well everyone reading this, and I thank everyone who supports me, be it in person, Twitter, Facebook, or other social networking sites.

Remember you can only go up from the bottom of the valley.

I’ve been there and come up…and so can you.

 

So it turns out I’ve never owned a puppy before (his name is Max)…not once…but now I do 🙂

Social media star in the making? lets see 🙂

Putunias are nommy (aka helping daddy garden)

Tired puppy is tired

Daddy cuddles…and yes, his eyes need cleaning

Going for a drive in my seat…the centre console 🙂

I love my gorilla

posing for a picture

I’m not fond of baths

vege patch nom nom nom

just hanging out