The Night Before Christmas In The Valley

December 24, 2007

Yes, I should be finding serious work to do, but there’s nothing more fun than bastardising something traditional, here’s my effort for 2007

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Valley
Not a startup was stirring, no deals in back alleys

The business plans were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Sequoia would soon visit there

The founders were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of term sheets danced around in their heads;
At Google, Larry and Sergy met secretly in a loft
2008 is the year they might beat Microsoft.

Out on the Bay there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the cubicle to see what was the matter.
In the reflection on my monitor it flew like a flash,
Opened Google and searched for it, it wasn’t a mash
Yahoo Photos pointed to Flickr page listings
2 girls and a cup, Oh My God, realistic.
When, what in my Flock sidebar should appear,
But a company founder, and fifteen billion tiny reindeer,
With a youthful appearance, so wanting to be heard,
I knew at that moment it was Mark Zuckerberg

More rapid than Everest upward valuations they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and taunted his competitors by name;
Oh MySpace! oh Orkut!, Bebo! and Ning!
I will crush you all, and soon you will sing
That I have more press mentions than you, and I am the king!

As the children in the Valley suffered from Facebook App spam
another company could not even afford ham
Technorati struggled through yet another year
Running out of money can be known to cause fear.

And then, whilst surfing Porn 2.0, I read a new Tweet
Sequoia wanted to party and meet
As I drew in a breath, the money was found
Down the chimney Roelof Botha came with a bound.
A sack full of terms sheets he surely did carry
And mine was all signed and we were ready to marry

Like any good marriage it came with a cost,
“Go To China” he said, but don’t get lost.
But Botha, I said, I’m American and I’m funny
Foreign laws I don’t like, for love nor money
He turned to me, smiled, and said these three names
Google, Yahoo, Cisco are a few of our games
Secretly subverting the Chinese is another,
we create wealth, then surely the Chinese will bother;
about democracy, freedom, and Chelsea Clinton’s mother

in a graveyard near Facebook a ghost did stir
Ask Jeeves said the butler, and this is what’s more

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good startup”

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