A Proposal to Filter Christian Churches

January 26, 2009 — 35 Comments

This is in response to Jim Wallace of the Australian Christian Lobby in the SMH (via Stilgherian)

Hon Kevin Rudd MP
Prime Minister of Australia
Parliament House
CANBERRA ACT 2600

Re: proposal to filter Christian Churches

Dear Prime Minister

I write to you about the utmost urgency of protecting children from pedophilia and other deviant acts. As your Ministers (particularly Senator Conroy) have repeatedly told the media, somebody needs to think of the children.

I take this opportunity to ask you to consider a proposal to filter Christian Churches in Australia in line with the Government’s commitment to protecting children with Internet censorship, and indeed would urge you to give this proposal priority status given the shocking risk to children Christian churches present.

According to statistics published in the United States (ref), around 4% of clerics in the period from 1950-2002 were accused of abusing children. Worse still, this abuse, in over 60% of cases occurred for over one year. Notably, clerics who abused children usually did so at a rate higher than one child per cleric, at a rate of approx 2.3 children per cleric.

There are, according to some figures around 7,000 Christian Churches in Australia, possibly more, with 2 million people attending a church every week. If the American experience applied here (and there is no reason to believe that it does not, particularly given we have more Catholics as a proportion of our christians) around 280 clerics (possibly more) will be fiddling with children this year. That is an unacceptable risk in a modern society, and it is vital that the Government think of these children.

I propose the Government introduce a Christian Church filter on the same grounds as the proposed internet filter.

1. That access to suspect Christian Churches be blocked, with no recourse or means of appeal once they are added to the Christian church filter.

2. That “unwanted” churches have access blocked as well, such as those that don’t agree with the Government. Again, there will be no recourse should a church be blocked, and no means of appeal.

3. That the speed of access to all Christian Churches be reduced to up to 87%. A national speed bump scheme would be effective here. Given the cost to Government, private operators could install the speed bumps and charge a toll for the cost of installing them.

I’d note Prime Minister that the filter is not as effective with smaller speed reductions, and it would be ineffective without being properly implemented.

4. That access to 3-6% of Christian Churches be blocked at all times, for no reason other than it’s acceptable, and you can never be too sure, even if they’ve done nothing wrong. Who is blocked should change daily, just to keep the churches on their toes.

5. That access to Christian Bibles be limited to adults who choose to opt-in. The bible, as you’d be aware, includes multiple accounts of illegal activity, including beastiality, murder, and even drownings….and sometimes this violence involves children. Children should be spared from this filth.

Prime Minister, I urge your Government to truly protect the children of Australia from the Christian Church and implement this scheme at the first available opportunity. If the Government does not support this scheme, then truly it must be supporting pedophilia and child pornography, as Senator Conroy believes all opponents of protecting children are.

Prime Minister, won’t you please think of the children?

Yours sincerely

Duncan Riley

35 responses to A Proposal to Filter Christian Churches

  1. Duncan, though i agree with your concern, but why only target christian churches, am sure there are other faith institutions as well in Australia, why haven't you checked some reports are there as well. Doing this you are giving a freaking clean chit and targeting just a section which is un called for.

  2. Epic Lulz.

    Shame there is so much truth in this letter.

  3. Samantha deWitt January 26, 2009 at 1:54 am

    Good one Zach. That's the point Duncan is making about the Internet filter

  4. Zack,
    this letter is in response to an article from the Australian Christian Lobby, as per the first line. Should other churches feel the same about protecting children online, I'll happily call on the Prime Minister to filter them as well.

  5. as a parent I can't be held responsible for what my child is doing 24/7. thank jesus for the government helping to filter out all the potentially dangerous things in our lives.

    a toll booth and a large amount of speed bumps may be expensive, but how can you put a price on your child's safety?

  6. Dunc, love the angle. I need to write a letter to censor the works of Shakespeare, the poems of Wilfred Owen and we definitely need to do something about the ideology of Ned Kelly and Waltzing Matilda. Ned was bank robber who killed people and old Walt stole sheep and committed suicide.

  7. Religion is dead its time people moved on!

  8. Great letter someone had to say it!Its true the Catholic church is the most successful global network (ironically pre-www) of child molestation. Ive got three mates that suffered (deeply and for decades after) at the hands of this medieval, near 'protected' criminal species. If I have to be subjected to mindless censorship and dumb hypocrisy from midgets on moral molehills- the Christians can suffer a parallel dumb tech fate. Give the $44 million to the AFP to nail the crims & leave the rest of us alone!@terrortv

  9. nicely played Duncan, nicely played….

  10. Duncan,

    This is a keeper – very well done! I once made use of a similar analogy (mandatory ISP level filters/church choirs), but the thoroughness with which you have applied this analogy here is simply superb.

    jon,

  11. So in Australia, are you GUILTY until proven INNOCENT? You said that “4% of clerics were ACCUSED…” not “FOUND GUILTY”.

    Mister Prime Minister, think of the INNOCENT.
    Sheesh! Thank gawd I live in the great USA and not in some country that forces me to prove my innocence. (No, I don't molest children… hmmm, well, I DO like to molest MEN, who are mostly childish… or there I go! guiltifying men without a trial.

  12. Violet, just in case this is not clear, Duncan's proposal is a parody which exploits the logic of the Australian Government's case for censoring the Internet to suggest that churches should themselves be “filtered” in order to prevent child abuse.

    You are right to make the point about GUILTY until proven INNOCENT. Under the Government's proposal, all adults are considered to be potential child sex offenders who cannot be trusted to use the Internet responsibly.

  13. Great petition. I second it. A must do protection from Evil Churches for children!

  14. Duncan the problem is not the church… it can happen in any institution… religious or not. people who work with children should always be suspect. I would be willing to bet if you put the 'TOYSRUS' corporation under the same scrutiny you would find likewise statistics. I'm tired of hearing the online AList (or shall I say ALust) objectifying religion in this manner. I wasn't raised in an orthodox religious home, but I have seen plenty of perverts. I am terrified that the world is beginning to treat Christians like they have treated Jews for 2000 years. The fact is that as our world globalizes faithful Christians are becoming a cultural minority. Let's not take part in this bigotry.

  15. *facepalm*

  16. For all the nimrods who a) don't get it and b) missed the comment already explaining it is a parody…

    IT IS A PARODY.

    It uses the same logic and laissez faire attitude to a “problem” that the government is using, and in both cases the problem (although serious) is vastly overstated and the traditional methods for dealing with it (ie. let the police do their job) is ignored in favour of punishing all for the sins of the few.

    IT IS A PARODY

    When the hell did people in this country get so thick? More importantly, those of you who are “outraged” about this proposal against Christians, ask yourself why you aren't more outraged against the proposal for internet filtering…

  17. I have a reputation for standing up for Censorship issues and helped organize the pro internet protests at Carnegie Mellon University in 1995. I don't see how singling out Christianity (which by the way is not my religion) is some kind of parody. and frankly from experience in organizing free speech issues I have found Christian Conservatives to be a lot more open minded then the Tipper Gore feminist left. the joke doesn't work… you just are a bunch of bigots

  18. once again

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  19. once again

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  20. I can: disabling my ability to make money seriously retards my ability to provide the best for my child, including safety. This is what will happen with internet censorship. No one argues against filtering child porn, which I'd note is the case in the UK and several other European countries. But be very clear here: this isn't what the Australian Government is proposing. Not a block on 1000-10,000 sites as is the case in the UK. What we are talking about is much bigger, and has a far more chilling effect on free speech. As I said in the post: on the same grounds the Australian Government is blocking the internet, so too should christian churches, because statistically they're actually more dangerous.

  21. Violet, I totally agree, which is why the same rules the Australian Government proposed to the internet should be applied to churches. Indeed, statically, churches are a bigger risk. Won’t someone think of the children!

  22. Violet, I totally agree, which is why the same rules the Australian Government proposed to the internet should be applied to churches. Indeed, statically, churches are a bigger risk. Won’t someone think of the children!

  23. while we're at it, how about we censor the bible so the kids dont get exposed to all the genocide, rape, mutilations and sexual depravity, incest etc ?

    its not like we can trust adults to protect their kids from reading these passages; we need to censor the bible for every australian!! quick!!

  24. that was awesome…

  25. …..
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  26. Great parody and ?¢‚Ǩ‚Äù whilst we're at it ?¢‚Ǩ‚Äù let's hear it for ASCII art!!

  27. this is Spock after getting hit in the face

  28. Great parody and — whilst we're at it — let's hear it for ASCII art!!

  29. this is Spock after getting hit in the face

  30. Great parody and — whilst we're at it — let's hear it for ASCII art!!

  31. this is Spock after getting hit in the face

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Ask the leadership coach » A Proposal to Filter Christian Churches - March 6, 2009

    […] Msgr. Pedro Quitorio posted a noteworthy aricle today onHere’s a small snippetI take this opportunity to ask you to consider a proposal to filter Christian Churches in Australia in line with the Government?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s commitment to protecting children with Internet censorship, and indeed would urge you to give this … […]

  2. Vicodin. - August 14, 2009

    Vicodin withdrawls….

    Vicodin no prescription. Vicodin. Difference between vicodin and lortab. No prescription needed vicodin….

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